No furlough for victim

 No furlough for victim

The mother is calm because she needs her daughter to be. The mother is the leader. She can lead her daughter back to the night that changed their lives, or she can take her hand and walk her toward tomorrow.

She chooses tomorrow.

After the hearing, when the boys who sexually assaulted her then 15-year-old finally admitted what they had done, the mother went to a store and bought her daughter a small box and said, ``Put all your bad memories in here. It was one night of your life. It's not your whole life. You have a choice. To let it ruin you or to let it go.''

Read More

Meet the modern dad: A guy who really knows his kids

Meet the modern dad: A guy who really knows his kids

She never laid out a suit for him. He didn't wear suits. He wore a navy blue police uniform - wool pants, wool jacket, long sleeves even in the summer. And my father pressed his uniform himself.

He ironed in the dining room, probably because we hardly ever used that room. I would sit on a chair, my back to the window, and watch as he placed a wet handkerchief up and down each pant leg and meticulously steamed in a crease.

``You don't ever put an iron directly on wool or you'll end up with shiny pants,'' he told me.

Read More

From Lucy, a fulfilling year

From Lucy, a fulfilling year

It's one year later. One year after the ground caved in and the world blew apart and the center failed to hold. One year after we were told, ``I'm sorry'' so many times that we were sorry, too.Three hundred and sixty-five days, some of them terrible. The day my granddaughter Lucy Rose was diagnosed with Down syndrome. The cold, rainy day she came home. The day the doctor said she needed heart surgery. The day of the surgery when the operation didn't go as planned. The days after, at the hospital, when we felt helpless at her side.

Read More

The memories stay put, even if we don't

The memories stay put, even if we don't

It occurred to me as I was sitting in the Great Hall in Codman Square, Dorchester Thursday morning, a guest at a breakfast celebrating this treasure's 100th anniversary, that a building really is more than brick and wood and everything it takes to hold it together. And it's not just sentiment that draws us back to a place.

Sure, we come back to places to say, ``This is the house where I grew up.'' Or ``This is my old school.'' Or ``This was my library.'' But usually we come back because there's something of ourselves, and others, that was left behind.

Read More

Kindest words needn't be saved for the funeral

Kindest words needn't be saved for the funeral

Before Ronald Reagan died we were talking about wakes and funerals. Before we heard the news on the radio, before the tributes and the retrospectives and the state funeral. Before his biggest event ever, my youngest daughter and I were sitting at the kitchen table discussing how sad it is that the ultimate celebration of a human life doesn't come until after a person is dead.

The dead can't smell the flowers people send. The dead can't enjoy the feel of a new suit. The dead can't smile at family stories or laugh at old jokes or look at someone he's known his whole life and put his hand on his shoulder and say, ``I never knew you felt that way.''

Read More

Giving thanks always in season

 Giving thanks always in season

The thing about a thank-you note, says my friend Anne, who is the Dalai Lama of thank-you notes, who returns home after a quiet day with a friend and writes, ``I had the BEST time! Let's not wait so long to do this again,'' is that it has to be written immediately, while the moment is fresh. No putting off until tomorrow what should be done today. A thank-you note, like a popover, is best served fresh.

Not long ago, I sent Anne flowers to thank her for something - my thank you, of course, as stale as bread crumbs. ``Thank you for watching my children, when was it? In the spring of '84?'' And the next day, what did I get in the mail? Two pictures of the flowers - front view, back view - tucked in a note that said, ``I LOVE them!! Thank you.''

Read More

An emotional uplift Down East

An emotional uplift Down East

We have friends who live on the coast of Maine. They used to own an inn, and for years they invited us there every Memorial Day weekend. And we went. And we made memories. Now they own a house. My youngest daughter was married there two summers ago. That was the last time I was in Maine. Life gets in the way of living. Too much to do. So little time. Somebody can't get away for a week or a weekend, so no one gets away.

Read More

Antonio earns American dream

He arrives at the door on a perfect spring day wearing a helmet, riding shorts and a grin that is his signature. With some people, you notice their hats, ties, scarves. With Antonio, you notice his smile. It's after 5, after work, and he has pedaled from Brockton to Canton, a distance that takes 20 minutes to drive, without traffic. ``It's a beautiful day,'' he says. ``So warm. So nice.'' And I look at him and think, he's right. It is.

Read More

Treasured moments of today ease our yearning for the past

Treasured moments of today ease our yearning for the past

Strange, the things that break your heart, then suddenly don't one day. A school bus stops across the street. It lurches and screeches and then starts up again. I watch it from my window, see the shadows of children inside, and I think, when did this stop hurting? For a long time after my youngest child finished school, that sound made me ache. I missed what it meant -

Read More

Harsh images distort our outlook on life

 Harsh images distort our outlook on life

They stood at the bottom of an escalator at T.F. Green Airport in Providence Thursday afternoon, three little boys and their grandparents, the oldest boy no more than 4. He was holding a sign that spelled out with different-colored crayons, ``WELCOME HOME, MOM AND DAD.'' The sign was bigger than he was. I wasn't the only one riding the escalator who smiled and then swallowed hard seeing this. A lady who'd been on my flight wiped tears from her face. Even the hardest faces softened. I didn't hear the grandmother say, ``Look. There they are!'' But I watched her point and saw the boys - all three of them - find their parents in the crowd and light up the way only children can, everything that matters to them on that escalator coming back home to them…

Read More

A miracle baby - they all are

A miracle baby - they all are

We walked four-and-a-half miles the day before he was born. We didn't intend to walk this far. But city blocks go by fast because they're crowded with people and things, and before we knew it my daughter and I were sitting on a bench in Central Park, tired but not exhausted, though she should have been. But she was pumped then, and ready to burst like the forsythia and magnolia trees with their buds. Like the daffodils and the hyacinth, like all the unfurling things, she and they partners in creation, waiting for the sun, for warmth, for time, for whatever it is that coaxes new life into being. Waiting and waiting and waiting. `

Read More

The war is one endless night

The war is one endless night

Middle of the night is the worst. I wake now at 3 a.m., and hear the silence and think instantly about the noise on the other side of the world, and how lucky I am to be in my house, in my bed, safe. And how grateful I am that my son isn't over there. Or my daughters. These are my first thoughts. Then I think about other people's children, the faces I see in the paper and on TV - kids still - under all that protective gear, in harm's way, fighting an enemy no one understands.

Read More

Ever heard of a couch, jet-setting John?

Ever heard of a couch, jet-setting John?

I wasn't surprised when I read that John Kerry was taking a break this week from the hard job of campaigning (talking out of both sides of your mouth CAN be exhausting) and jetting off in his own private plane to his $ 4.9 million Idaho getaway to spend down time with his lovely wife, Teresa. I wasn't even shocked to learn that his very luxurious bungalow is just one of five palatial homes he and his wife own. Hey, it's all relative, if you know what I mean…

Read More

Personal path is best medicine

Personal path is best medicine

Her baby was 12 hours old. Her husband had gone home to get his parents. Her parents were in the cafeteria. She was with a teenage cousin when a stranger in street clothes - he never introduced himself, never said "Good afternoon, I'm Dr. So-and-So," walked into her hospital room and over to the bassinet and began inspecting the baby. "What are you doing?" the new mother - my daughter - asked.

Read More