1,001 small acts of kindness necessary for love to survive
/The Boston Herald
BEVERLY BECKHAM
When it arrived in the mail, I dismissed it as another of those self-help books that promises more than it delivers. Nice cover, eye-grabbing title - "1001 Ways To Be Romantic" - but inevitably just a rehash of those tacky, smarmy suggestions that appear in Cosmo once a year.
My 21-year-old daughter set me straight.
"This book is great," she announced. "It isn't what you think. It's not filled with ideas like answering the door in Saran Wrap. It's about real romance."
Indeed it is.
Gregory J.P. Godek, the author, who has been teaching "1001 Ways To Be Romantic" for 10 years at the Boston Center for Adult Education, has apparently been doing as much listening as talking. His book is packed with doable, creative, fun, new and mostly affordable ideas. And the man has a sequel, too, "1001 More Ways To Be Romantic."
With Valentine's Day just a week away, these books are worth memorizing. Tired of getting chocolates and roses every Feb. 14? Tired of spending a fortune buying chocolates and roses every Feb. 14?
"Don't buy roses on Valentine's Day! It's common, expected and expensive. Buy different flowers." Choose flowers that match her eyes, Godek suggests. "Or exercise your creativity. Do something unique, quirky or touching. Write a poem, or copy one from a book of poetry. Write a love letter."
All women love letters.
"Use Valentine Conversation Heart candies to spell out a romantic message to her ... Replace all the Cheerios with Valentine Conversation Hearts." Or all the Kellogg's Special K.
Godek espouses romance, not just for Valentine's Day, but for every day. Why? Because romance, he says, "will improve the quality of your life."
"You sometimes work overtime at work, right? Why not occasionally work `overtime' on your relationship? ... Write `Romantic Reminders' on your `To Do' list at work. (What's the use of being a great success in the business world if you're a miserable failure in your personal life?) ... Bring home one flower a day. You'll build a wonderfully diverse bouquet day-by-day ... Place a flower on her pillow. Just because.
"Try being totally positive, accepting, supportive and non-judgmental for one entire week. No complaining, nagging, preaching, etc. It may change your life!"
Do something without being asked, he says.
"The-un-asked-for gesture is most appreciated. The surprise gift is most cherished." Like starting her car for her in the winter. Like sending him an I-love-you card for no reason at all.
Godek debunks myths such as "Nice guys finish last."
"That's one of the most idiotic-yet-widespread untruths ever sold to adolescent boys in American culture," he says. "No wonder European men often sweep women off their feet with Old World style, grace and romance."
He tells couples to get rid of TVs and exercise equipment in the bedroom. "The bedroom is your private, romantic hideaway. Don't turn it into an all-purpose room."
"Read the book `You Just Don't Understand - Women and Men in Conversation,' by Deborah Tannen, Ph.D," he advises men.
"Don't position yourself against his passions. Don't force him to choose between you and his golf/football/basketball/cars/fishing!" he warns women.
There's the usual stuff, too, about love coupons, letters, poetry, romantic dinners and greeting cards.
There are even a few bad ideas - like getting him a dog and her a cat.
But mostly "1001 Ways To Be Romantic" is a cookbook/fix-it book/guide-book, a reference manual, as needed in a home as how-to books on gardening, cooking and home-repair.
"Relationships aren't 50/50! They're 100/100," Godek reminds his readers. "Get up with the kids on Saturday morning; let her sleep in ... Do some of `his' chores ... Start thinking of her as your lover once again. Start treating him like your best friend, which he probably was at one time."
Basic stuff, most of it, but too often overlooked or forgotten. A thousand and one small acts of kindness and love, vital to any relationship, necessary for love to survive.
