Comforting lesson in the face of fate

The Boston Herald

Beverly Beckham

Why? That's what you want to know. You look at the list of names divided into those killed and those who survived the crash of USAir Flight 405 and you think, why?

Why one person and not another? Why does a man die and his wife survive? Is there something that connects the survivors?

If a woman with tickets for a different flighthadn't insisted that her tickets be exchanged, she and her husband would still be alive. If a couple coming back from a cruise had spent an extra day, even a few extra hours, in Florida, they would be alive. If an Ohio surgeon had sat where his wife sat, he would be alive, but she might not be.

The mind inspects these things. It creates entire lives around strangers' names and gives these strangers families and dreams, its own families and dreams, so it can better understand.

What made Betty Moss, a sales representative, decide not to take Flight 405? Was she uneasy about the flight, or was she simply being cautious?

What would have happened if Richard Lawson, an actor on "All My Children," hadn't been upgraded to first class? Would he have died in his assigned seat? Was it fate that he survived? Was it fate then that 27 others did not?

You read all the words, seeking answers. You linger over statements looking for a pattern or an epiphany.

Laura Trego, a 23-year-old who walked away from the crash, said that as soon as the plane took off she felt compelled to assume the crash position.

"I'm so thankful," she said. "I'm probably in the best shape of anybody who came through here - one of the best. I don't know how. It's a miracle. I have a guardian angel on my shoulder or something."

Robert Spear, 24, tightened his seat belt at takeoff.

"I thought to myself, `Just in case."' When the plane crashed, Spear was upside down, underwater and unable to breathe.

"I didn't know what direction was up," he said. "I saw fire through the water, and it seemed like it was falling on top of me ... I thought I was going to drown right there." But he unfastened his seat belt, surfaced and survived.

Lawson, who was sitting in first class, said, "I had these bad vibes. I fly 70 to 80 times a year and I only had this feeling once before, about 10 years ago, and the pilot aborted the flight."

After the crash, he, too, was underwater. "I was thinking, `I know that I'm dying,' Something in my mind said, `Just relax into this death. Die peacefully.' Then another part of my mind said, `Forget that. Try to get out of there, man.' ... I grabbed my buckle and finally undid it and a surge of adrenaline came over me and I pushed everything aside and I finally breathed air."

All these are wonderful stories of tenacity and survival. But what about the people who died?

Did they have premonitions, too? Did they think, `Something is wrong. I know something is wrong,' then bury the thought the way we tend to bury bad thoughts, easing fear by blaming imagination? Were their guardian angels directing them? Were they hearing words to comfort them, too?

Newspapers write of fate and destiny. And people say things such as, his time was up, or it was her time to go.

But these words are misleading. Fate contradicts free will. Destiny is imposed. The truth is that the planet Earth is indifferent. It doesn't care if we live or if we die. Our passing means nothing to sea and soil and stone.

And yet, perhaps, when we are in that state between life and death, there is a hand that steadies us and a voice that comforts us and a spirit that sustains us so that we are not alone.

Maybe that's what is to be learned from USAir Flight 405.

The people who survived felt the presence of angels and heard words in their heads. This is fact. I like to think that the people who died were comforted by angels too, and heard words that gave them the strength to proceed to a place we yearn to believe in, but don't quite understand.