Chamber phone user-hostile
/The Boston Herald
BEVERLY BECKHAM
Thursday morning, shortly before noon I dial the Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce. The phone rings once. A recording answers: "Thank you for calling the Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce and the Artery Business Committee. For tourist information, dial 617-536-4100. If you know your party's extension dial it now. If you wish to reach your party by last name, enter pound, star, two."
I enter pound, star, two.
"Please enter name," the voice continues.
I type in the last name of the person I'm calling and wonder briefly if I should enter his whole name and my name, too. After all the voice didn't specify whose name to enter.
"Subscriber ID 20844546 cannot be found," the voice informs me. "Thank you for calling the Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce and the Artery Business Committee. For tourist information dial 617-536-4100. If you know your party's extension, dial it now. If you wish to reach your party by last name, enter pound, star, two."
I start over. I press pound, star, two. Again.
This time the taped voice says to "Please enter extension." I don't know my party's extension so I reenter his name.
"Extension 268," the voice trills. "Your call is being transferred. Please wait."
I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
"Transfer cannot be completed. Thank you for calling the Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce and the Artery Business Committee. For tourist information dial 617-536-4100. If you know your party's extension, dial it now. If you wish to reach your party by last name, enter pound, star, two." The voice then adds "Please enter."
I enter.
"Please enter name."
Again, I enter my party's name.
"Bill Coughlin" the voice trills. "Bingo!" There's a car behind door number two and it's all mine! "Your call is being transferred. Please wait."
One. Two. Three. Four rings. Then a short pause. Then a longer ring. Two longer rings. Three longer rings. Four longer rings.
Now a different voice comes on the line. A non-recorded voice, a real, live person.
"Good morning, Chamber of Commerce," the real live person says. "May I help you?"
"Yes. I'm trying to reach Bill Coughlin," I explain.
"Bill Coughlin." The person sounds disappointed. The car disappears. It was an illusion. I should have picked door number three.
"Hold on please. I think he isn't here. Let's see who else I can give you. How about 330?" the real live person asks.
"330?" I say.
"Hold on, please. I'm gonna transfer you."
I hear ringing again. One, two, three, four. And then another voice, recorded again, informs me that I "have reached the executive office of the Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce and the Artery Business Committee. Ann Marie Lewis and Bill Coughlin are not able to answer your call at this time. Please leave your name, number and a brief message and the time you called and we'll get back to you as soon as we can."
I am so happy that I actually get to leave a brief message, that I finally get to talk to a person who might talk to the person I'm trying to reach! I leave my name, number, and a brief message.
"To approve, press star, pound," the new voice says.
I press star, pound.
"To play back press two-three. To transfer to another extension, press star, t. To connect to an operator, press O."
I hang up while the voice is still talking. Within minutes, Ann Marie Lewis calls back.
So the system does work.
However...
It took four minutes and 48 seconds to leave a message that a real person could have taken in 30 seconds.
It took patience - if I were at a pay phone I wouldn't have had any. It took knowledge. How many people don't know what a pound sign is? How many people who call the Chamber of Commerce are not this fluent in English?
Technology is supposed to simplify our lives and save us time.
It's for certain that the telephone system at the Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce does neither.
