Parents have only themselves to blame for classroom chaos

Boston Herald

Beverly Beckham

God help the teachers. I used to teach, a lifetime ago when kids actually had respect for adults. They learned this respect at home. "You do what your teacher tells you," parents said. If a teacher told you to stand in a corner all day, you did. And if your parents found out, they yelled at you, not at the teacher.

Now, of course, kids challenge everything. They know that teachers have no real authority, so they have little respect for them.

This makes teaching difficult.

My supervising teacher, the woman who taught me never to make a threat I couldn't carry out, has been teaching for more than 30 years. I pray for her daily. She has more kids in her classroom now than she did 30 years ago, and some of them are totally out of control. And they are only 9 and 10 years old!

It's the parents' fault, of course. Parents send their kids to school unmannered and undisciplined and expect teachers to control them, when they never have. An example: Last Monday I was sitting in a doctor's office in downtown suburbia. It was a cardiologist's office. Half the people there were elderly. Near the door a young man sat reading a magazine, while his son played hopscotch on the chairs.

The child was no more than 4, cute, adorable, but wild. One grandmotherly lady said, as politely as she could, "You're going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that."

The father said, "He's OK. He's used to falling."

And the boy did fall - once onto a table, and twice onto patients.

The father's response? He looked up, smiled, looked back down and continued reading.

What he should have done, of course, is explain to the child that chairs are to sit on, not to walk on. He should also have prepared the boy for the visit to the doctor's office, and he should have come prepared - with books and paper and crayons. But apparently the father didn't get it, either. He obviously didn't think there was anything wrong with his son using a doctor's office as a playground.

Another example of ineffectual parenting: This happened at a baseball game. In front of us sat Mr. And Mrs. America with their two all-American sons. The boys were 7 and 9. Both were cute. Both looked like angels, one with red hair, one with brown. Both had baseball programs and both ate their way through the innings. Popcorn. Hot dogs. Peanuts. Ice cream. Coke. More popcorn. Another hot dog. Peanuts again. Can I have some candy now?

The father, I swear, went through at least $50. Every time someone carrying anything came by, the boys asked for it - and got it. Midway through the sixth inning, the father got up, walked to the concession stand and bought himself a beer. When he came back, the Coke guy reappeared. "I want a Coke," the 9-year-old said. The father was mid-sip and the Coke guy was a few rows away. By the time the father swallowed his beer, the Coke guy was walking the other way.

"You'll have to wait a little while for that Coke," the father said turning to his son.

"You idiot," the boy replied. "Why don't you just go down and get it?"

The child was right in front of me. I heard his words. My daughter heard his words. I expected the father to stand up, grab his family, and leave. I expected the boy to dissolve in a flood of tears and a litany of "I'm sorrys." I expected a confrontation.

But the father said nothing. He ignored the insult and the derision in it and when the Coke guy came by a little later, he bought his son the Coke he wanted. And when the hot dog man appeared, he got him another hot dog, too. The day continued exactly as it had, as if the words "You idiot" had never been said.

How are teachers supposed to counteract this? Neutralizing non-parenting would take a miracle. Reprogramming kids to show respect, when respect has never been taught, is next to impossible.

Still, school is here and it's teacher-bashing time. "Why do teachers need more money? They have the whole summer off. Look at all the test scores. What are they teaching our kids anyway?"

Everything. Including all the things they should have learned at home.