Girls play `dress up' for real

The Boston Herald

BEVERLY BECKHAM

First we saw her walking her dog. My daughter and I were walking one way, and she was headed the other. We smiled and she smiled.

We saw her again an hour later. This time she was riding a bike. ``Hi again,'' we said. ``You're getting a lot of exercise today.''

Inane chatter. But she was polite. We stopped and talked.

She was perhaps 12 or 13 with light brown hair pulled into a ponytail, bright eyes and a pretty face. She wore shorts and a loose cotton T-shirt.

She reminded me of so many kids I used to know. Rosemary Jablonski. Janet Butler. Chickie Fleming. And she reminded me of my own kids, too, and of every generation of preteens up until now. Children on the cusp of growing up, but not wanting to, not in a hurry, not ready to let go of childhood.

``Where do you live?'' I asked her.

``Down the street,'' she said.

Where she came from is what I really wanted to know. How does a child remain a child in today's hurry-up-and-grow-up world? How do parents combat a society that pushes children, especially girls, into adulthood too soon?

I'm at a friend's house. An 11-year-old is visiting. She's wearing a mini skirt slung low on her hips. The skirt is a four-inch piece of fabric that reveals more than it covers. Her tube top is even smaller. Her ears are double pierced. Her eyelashes are thick with mascara. Here lips are red. And her shoes are platform heels.

But she is not playing dress-up.

This is the summer between fifth and sixth grade for her. Shouldn't she be playing kids' games, still? Shouldn't she have skinned knees and dirt on her face and lips stained purple from grape slush?

Childhood lasts such a short time.

``You have the whole rest of your life to be a grownup,'' my mother used to say. ``Why are you in such a hurry?''

Why is everyone in such a hurry?

I sit behind a 14-year-old in church. She's dressed in the uniform of the day - a belly-baring stretch skirt and a too short, too tight, low-cut shirt. She tugs at both. She is a size 10 girl in size 8 clothes and is clearly self-conscious.

Her mother sits next to her. Her mother cares enough about her daughter to take her to church, maybe even to insist that she go to church. So why should what her daughter wears matter? What difference do clothes make? It's what's on the inside that counts. Isn't this what we tell our children? Isn't that what we believe?

But the girl cannot bend over, even a little. And she cannot lean over at all. At a beach, this might be OK. But this is church. Shouldn't some rules apply?

On the altar, a man in beach shorts, a T-shirt and sandals gives out communion. Isn't this inappropriate, too? Does none of this matter?

Erica is 14 and she dresses like a kid, still. She's fresh-faced and sweet. And she stands out, like the girl on the bike. So many kids don't look sweet anymore. At 11 and 12 and 13 they look worn and hard.

My Aunt Lorraine used to say you have to pick your battles. You can't make a big deal out of everything. If a teen is in church instead of at home sleeping, if a man is giving out communion instead of getting an early start golfing, then what they're wearing is immaterial.

But I know she wouldn't let her girls out of the house dressed the way girls dress today.

They dress like Paris and Nicky Hilton, like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, like Britney Spears. They dress to stand out.

And they do stand out. But not in a good way. They look like little girls in too big a hurry to grow up. They look like misguided children playing a part they’re not ready for.