Groundhog daze is daunting
/The Boston Herald
BEVERLY BECKHAM
The rabbit was easy to identify. I saw it a few weeks ago as I pulled into the driveway. It sat on the lawn with its long ears, brownish fur, cute tail, and I've seen it every day since, hop, hop hopping around.
It's definitely a rabbit. No doubt.
Birds are easy to name, too. We have blackbirds, cardinals, sparrows, a pair of blue jays.
They flutter. They tweet. They soar. They're all definitely birds.
We also have (and I can identify them, thanks to Walt Disney) squirrels (woodland creatures), chipmunks (Chip and Dale) and raccoons (more woodland creatures).
A few winters back, I saw a deer in my yard and thought, ``Bambi!'' And about 10 years ago, when I was in a log cabin in Tennessee, I saw a brown bear and expected to see Davy Crockett right behind.
If Disney drew it or Fess Parker hunted it, I can identify it. If not, I'm clueless.
Which is why the presence of seven furry critters nestled in a hole under a shed in my yard led, not to informed debate, but to screams and oh-my-gawds and wild speculation.
My daughters and I saw them from the deck. We could see their snouts and their fur. We could see that they waddled. We could see that there were two big ones and five smaller ones.
``I think they're porcupines,'' one daughter guessed.
``I think they're gophers,'' the other one said.
``I think I am never going near that shed again,'' they chimed.
The Internet identified them. Up came a picture of a woodchuck, as in ``How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?'' Otherwise known as a.) a groundhog (because these creatures literally hog the ground, burrowing a subway of holes). And, b.) a whistle-pig (because they produce a shrill whistle when alarmed - barking, squealing and shrieking, much as we did when we caught our first glimpse of them.
The woodchuck is also a rodent (``I told you they look like rats, Mom!''), is a member of the squirrel family (Who knew?) and has as its closest relative the yellow-bellied marmot, which is found in the American West.
I thought ``yellow-bellied marmot'' was an expression used mostly in John Wayne movies. And, OK, by some presidents. And I thought it was yellow-bellied ``varmint.'' But what is a ``varmint,'' anyway?
A varmint, (I looked this up) is an animal that's a nuisance. They burrow next to buildings and in some cases cause buildings to collapse. They do not fear humans. They have excellent sight, hearing and smell. And though they live underground, they can also swim and climb trees.
Now, because we know all this, we whisper when we're on the deck. Now, because we know there are many more woodcocks looking for homes, we search the trees with our binoculars.
A woodchuck's favorite food is grass. We have lots of grass. A woodchuck likes to be sheltered by trees and shrubs. We have lots of trees and shrubs. Our woodchucks are happy. They have a subterranean mansion. They amble around our yard quietly digging holes because they're not afraid of us. We're afraid of them!
We need to start calling them groundhogs, because groundhogs are fun. Groundhogs are Hollywood. Groundhogs are Bill Murray waking up daily to the same day.
There are holes all over my yard. I blamed the birds. I blamed the squirrels. I blamed the woodland creatures!
The holes are entrances to the woodchuck - er - groundhog den. They like to have lots of ways to escape. Right now, truth be told? I'm looking for a way to escape them.
